Hello everyone,
This is Devon speaking. Me and Dad walking has been really helped me by keeping me fit and also to keep in connection with my feelings and also my Dad's. Today me and my Dad's walk been really helpful because we were discussing about what we need to do that is really important and to not neglect the stuff in our lives that are trying to help us. We got in a argument about what we should to but eventually we came to a agreement and made amends for arguing. It's going to be hard without my Mom around. But it's not impossible with family, friends, and God. Some of my prayer requests is that me and my Dad could really commute about how we feel without getting mad. Also that we could make it day by day without getting wiped out. Other then that I think I am fine. See you guys later
Love,
Devon
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
helpless
Hello everyone,
This is Devon. You know, people have been telling me about all this shit about how the hell it's going to get better. But, the reality of it is, is that it's not going to get better no matter how hard I try. I could try until I am blue in the face, but it is not going to make it any better. I feel so sad without my Mom. I don't know what to do. People will probably say, trust in God. I did until he took my Mom away. Then I got pissed off at that mothafucka that calls himself the greatest God in the whole damn universe. But that is my own humble opinion. What's is my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Well I tried praying and it worked most of the times. But I never been as strong in my faith since my Mom passed. I try to trust in God even dispite my circumstances. Thanks for listening to m endless bitchen.
Love,
Devon
This is Devon. You know, people have been telling me about all this shit about how the hell it's going to get better. But, the reality of it is, is that it's not going to get better no matter how hard I try. I could try until I am blue in the face, but it is not going to make it any better. I feel so sad without my Mom. I don't know what to do. People will probably say, trust in God. I did until he took my Mom away. Then I got pissed off at that mothafucka that calls himself the greatest God in the whole damn universe. But that is my own humble opinion. What's is my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Well I tried praying and it worked most of the times. But I never been as strong in my faith since my Mom passed. I try to trust in God even dispite my circumstances. Thanks for listening to m endless bitchen.
Love,
Devon
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Devon's Celebration @ Sweetwood Campground
Hi Everyone!
For the last 9 years until this year, Gail and Devon have travelled to So.Cal. during July. He usually celebrates his birthday with family down South.
This year I was feeling the pressure. Devon's 16th Birthday. I'm so busy and there is no time to plan, and how do I get the word out? Plus, we've never had a party for him up here in the past. But I thought that it would be good given what's taken place to have as many people come around in more of a celebratory environment. We are grateful to the Lord that he provided such memorable event that I'm sure that both Devon and I will cherish.
For the last few years, I have been wanting to host an event/retreat at this campground in Half Moon Bay. It is a group campground that can accommodate 50 campers, it is wooded and has a grassy field with a huge fire pit. It was cool as it was available with less than a week's advanced notice. Truly a gigantic God thing.
A friend that teaches special ed and works with Sierra Club has a bunch of rec. equipment that he brought out, including a volleyball net, frisbees and a football. He had some games to run, but he didn't have to because everyone was just doing their own thing.The campground is next to the coastside trail, so some of our friends biked to the campground to join the festivities.
We grilled a bunch of carne asada, corn and people brought other fixins.Devon had a greeaaat time! It was cool to see him laughing. The area is so safe and lots of places to explore. You wouldn't know that you are literally 5 minutes from Safeway. We don't usually have group activities with our hoops buddies during the summer, so it was good for everyone to run around and get a little crazy. I know Gail would be pleased. Mom Toguchi busted butt doing a lot of chopping for the tacos. It was good for Devon to re-connect with a bunch of people that he hadn't seen for awhile.
It was a great blend of friends of church and the community, and Special Olympics. Guys from Devon's small group came out to hang.
Devon is in summer school. It is kind of boring and seems like a waste of time. He hangs out at the boys club after school. He is still involved in Kuk Sool but I think that he wants a vacation from it. He ditched the other day and I kind of laughed. He took a detour to Burger King but eventually made it.
Mom Toguchi is leaving on the 26th. Brother Jeff Yoshimine is coming up this week and working on some house stuff, like getting the garage in shape to be a activity space for Devon and his friends. The following week Brice and Sandee are staying in town and will help do the same, then we will drive up to the Sierras with Brice and Sandee for the weekend.
Devon will be a Counselour in Training at Camp-by-the Sea the first week of August. It is at the local elementary school. He then be off to Redwood Camp. I'm staying home. My folks will be up during the week of camp, then the week after. We might try to get down South after camp before school starts.
A good friend, Deanne K. has offered her two boys to help tutor Devon in basic concept of Algebra. He came close to passing the Math portion of the High School Exit exam. This year's test is on November 7th and 8th.
Devon and I are trying to do the walk that Gail and I started doing a few months prior to her illness. He's pretty good about it. It's to talk in the morning. We are both in a pretty good mood. Please pray for our health and that we can both get healthy and stay healthy.
The church family has been providing meals for us 3 or 4 times a week and will continue to do so through August It has been great. (no fish!) We have not had to cook at all, which would be time consuming. Hopefully I can get things that I need to get done, done, so I can do some cooking. If you have any simple recipes, please send them our way.
I am going to check into a grief counseling for both Devon and I, just to get some feedback. It is through KARA in Palo Alto. Please pray for this. I don't know what 'normal' in processing my(our) sorrow and I don't want to over react and we need to be continuously receiving His Grace and Mercy. Devon has had a few 'touch points' with some close friends whom he trusts. I have had less so. Please pray that I don't try to process this by myself. It's hard to truly explain how I am doing because the emotions are mixed. I do have the same assurance that Gail is safe and sound and I do have concerns about the future. Having Grandma Merry here has been a tremendous help.
Please pray that we will follow the Spirit and not get ahead of Him and not be anxious. Time seems fleeting with work and all. Please pray for a healthy rhythm to our lives whatever that might look like. I know that the Lord has created space for something new. I don't just want to fill it with 'stuff'.
Thanks.
Love,
Jon and Devon
For the last 9 years until this year, Gail and Devon have travelled to So.Cal. during July. He usually celebrates his birthday with family down South.
This year I was feeling the pressure. Devon's 16th Birthday. I'm so busy and there is no time to plan, and how do I get the word out? Plus, we've never had a party for him up here in the past. But I thought that it would be good given what's taken place to have as many people come around in more of a celebratory environment. We are grateful to the Lord that he provided such memorable event that I'm sure that both Devon and I will cherish.
For the last few years, I have been wanting to host an event/retreat at this campground in Half Moon Bay. It is a group campground that can accommodate 50 campers, it is wooded and has a grassy field with a huge fire pit. It was cool as it was available with less than a week's advanced notice. Truly a gigantic God thing.
A friend that teaches special ed and works with Sierra Club has a bunch of rec. equipment that he brought out, including a volleyball net, frisbees and a football. He had some games to run, but he didn't have to because everyone was just doing their own thing.The campground is next to the coastside trail, so some of our friends biked to the campground to join the festivities.
We grilled a bunch of carne asada, corn and people brought other fixins.Devon had a greeaaat time! It was cool to see him laughing. The area is so safe and lots of places to explore. You wouldn't know that you are literally 5 minutes from Safeway. We don't usually have group activities with our hoops buddies during the summer, so it was good for everyone to run around and get a little crazy. I know Gail would be pleased. Mom Toguchi busted butt doing a lot of chopping for the tacos. It was good for Devon to re-connect with a bunch of people that he hadn't seen for awhile.
It was a great blend of friends of church and the community, and Special Olympics. Guys from Devon's small group came out to hang.
Devon is in summer school. It is kind of boring and seems like a waste of time. He hangs out at the boys club after school. He is still involved in Kuk Sool but I think that he wants a vacation from it. He ditched the other day and I kind of laughed. He took a detour to Burger King but eventually made it.
Mom Toguchi is leaving on the 26th. Brother Jeff Yoshimine is coming up this week and working on some house stuff, like getting the garage in shape to be a activity space for Devon and his friends. The following week Brice and Sandee are staying in town and will help do the same, then we will drive up to the Sierras with Brice and Sandee for the weekend.
Devon will be a Counselour in Training at Camp-by-the Sea the first week of August. It is at the local elementary school. He then be off to Redwood Camp. I'm staying home. My folks will be up during the week of camp, then the week after. We might try to get down South after camp before school starts.
A good friend, Deanne K. has offered her two boys to help tutor Devon in basic concept of Algebra. He came close to passing the Math portion of the High School Exit exam. This year's test is on November 7th and 8th.
Devon and I are trying to do the walk that Gail and I started doing a few months prior to her illness. He's pretty good about it. It's to talk in the morning. We are both in a pretty good mood. Please pray for our health and that we can both get healthy and stay healthy.
The church family has been providing meals for us 3 or 4 times a week and will continue to do so through August It has been great. (no fish!) We have not had to cook at all, which would be time consuming. Hopefully I can get things that I need to get done, done, so I can do some cooking. If you have any simple recipes, please send them our way.
I am going to check into a grief counseling for both Devon and I, just to get some feedback. It is through KARA in Palo Alto. Please pray for this. I don't know what 'normal' in processing my(our) sorrow and I don't want to over react and we need to be continuously receiving His Grace and Mercy. Devon has had a few 'touch points' with some close friends whom he trusts. I have had less so. Please pray that I don't try to process this by myself. It's hard to truly explain how I am doing because the emotions are mixed. I do have the same assurance that Gail is safe and sound and I do have concerns about the future. Having Grandma Merry here has been a tremendous help.
Please pray that we will follow the Spirit and not get ahead of Him and not be anxious. Time seems fleeting with work and all. Please pray for a healthy rhythm to our lives whatever that might look like. I know that the Lord has created space for something new. I don't just want to fill it with 'stuff'.
Thanks.
Love,
Jon and Devon
Sunday, July 8, 2007
hello
Hello everyone
Devon speaking. I feel refreshed after I went to summer camp at San Deigo for a week. When one of the speakers were speaking, he said there was a major difference between knowing some facts about God, and acutally believing in him and those facts. So I realized that I knew some of the facts about God, but did not have a actual personal relationship with our God and savior. So on Tuesday night, I decided to trust God and put my life in his hands. Ever sine, I have been trying my best to live a life of Godliness. Now that I am back from camp, it is refreshing but it's also hard. The reason that it's hard because now I am back in a sinful enviornment. I was safe in a all christian enviornment when my faith can grow, but now when I am back in the community of Half Moon Bay, it is harder to follow through with my walk with God. If anyone has suggestions please write on the blog or please pray for me. Thanks.
It has been hard or almost impossible without my Mom around. Me and my Dad are not empty but we are still in the stage of greiving. But I know God is with us and so are you guys. Thank you guys for all the hard work and support you gave and countinue to give us to this day. I just pray that God will bless all of the work you guys have been doing to support us. Thank you guys so much
From,
Devon
Devon speaking. I feel refreshed after I went to summer camp at San Deigo for a week. When one of the speakers were speaking, he said there was a major difference between knowing some facts about God, and acutally believing in him and those facts. So I realized that I knew some of the facts about God, but did not have a actual personal relationship with our God and savior. So on Tuesday night, I decided to trust God and put my life in his hands. Ever sine, I have been trying my best to live a life of Godliness. Now that I am back from camp, it is refreshing but it's also hard. The reason that it's hard because now I am back in a sinful enviornment. I was safe in a all christian enviornment when my faith can grow, but now when I am back in the community of Half Moon Bay, it is harder to follow through with my walk with God. If anyone has suggestions please write on the blog or please pray for me. Thanks.
It has been hard or almost impossible without my Mom around. Me and my Dad are not empty but we are still in the stage of greiving. But I know God is with us and so are you guys. Thank you guys for all the hard work and support you gave and countinue to give us to this day. I just pray that God will bless all of the work you guys have been doing to support us. Thank you guys so much
From,
Devon
Monday, July 2, 2007
Mourning.......together....buddies...
One of the things that Devon has been asking me almost everyday several times a day is: Did you cry today? When on the phone: 'Dad, are you crying?' He then tells me if he cried or not and what made him cry. I tell him the same thing.
I'll tell you a few things that have triggered some tears.
1. Listening to the words of 'What's Going On?' by Marvin Gaye.
2. Listening to the words of 'Devotion' by Earth, Wind and Fire.
3. Doing the laundry and hanging my clothes in the closet next to Gail's clothes.
4. When someone wrote in an E-Mail, 'Your Gail.'
5. My first walk since Gail's homecoming on the trail that we used to walk together.
6. The fact that Gail is not around for Devon.
The sadness lingers and will continue to linger. It's easy to feel sorry for myself. The 'aloneness' that I experience every summer when Gail and Dev are in So. Cal. is now permanent, she's not coming back. I mourn the loss of my love, my companion, my friend and partner and Devon's Mom. I pray that I can receive the comfort offered through others. I need to continue to talk it out and walk it out.
I remember two ladies had each lost a son to suicide. They decided to dedicate their lives to teaching others about suicide prevention. They would share their story of loss over and over and over again. Each time, they said was painful, but each time there was some healing as they shared. I dare not process my sorrow alone. Talk to someone about your loss and disapointments. It doesn't change the situation, but some hope can emerge just the same.
I went to work today after being off for over a week. It was theraputic to be back at work. I spoke to or said a simple 'hi' to about 20 people. I laughed, I listened and I was quiet. It felt good to laugh. I needed that. There was peace, strangely in the midst of insanity. How can it be?
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Devon is off to San Diego (Hume Lake)
Devon is off to San Diego (Hume Lake) today. He has gone to summer camp before. His guy's small group leader (Greg) and some other buddy's from church will be there too. Thanks for your ongoing prayers. He is struggling a bit with hurt and anger.
This picture is at a book signing with his home school teacher Aaron. Aaron wrote a book that he used in Devon's home school entitled 'Myth and the Summer Moon.' Aaron and his wife Anne will be leaving soon to work in Cambodia. We love you Aaron and Anne!
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