Anger, Regret and Guilt

My counselor most recently asked me, 'So you seem to be moving toward acceptance.'

I thought. 'That can't be!' and I told him, 'No, not yet.'

Before the counseling, I had asked God to make me shut up, if he wanted me to and only speak as the Spirit led.

I was a lot more quiet this time. I asked him to ask me anything that he wanted and invited him to make observations.

Then he asked about anger, regret and guilt. I told him that I hadn't gone there because I thought that it wouldn't do any good.....I can't go back.

But back there in that hurt, anger, regret and guilt are some pretty strong feelings and feelings that have to do with my relationship with Gail. I guess, I had concluded that nothing good could come out of going back there.....but......can the light shine through regret, guilt, hurt and abandonment? We'll see.

I'm going there slowly. I'm reading some of the grief material that friends have given me. I must admit, I do like reading the stories of grief in the first person, especially from those that have also lost a spouse.

Devon and I were invited to attend a friend's birthday party which was a dance. Part of me wanted to go, but in the final result, I didn't go. I don't know if it's because I'm not ready or not.
I don't know.


jon