Hi everyone, this is Devon speaking. Man, all of this seems like a whole nightmare. I am scared to death because my Mom has a brain hemmerage. I seem to blame all of this on myself, and God. I keep praying to God but it's hard to pray to him when I am pissed as hell. I keep asking God for forgivness but everytime I look at my Mom I keep getting mad at him. But I know that it's in God's hand. It's not in mine. Please pray that my Mom will be filled with God's holy spirit. Also pray that you keep the family intact in one peace. Right now though I feel like a peice of shit. But life goe's on and we must be strong. I appreciate the prayers all you are praying.
Love,
Devon
Road Warriors @ LaDiDa HMB!
Together Times with Friends
Gail, cheering us on
Gail, your spirit continues to lift us!!!
Buddies
Aaron and Gail-Team-Teachers
New Life
Devon after being baptized
The Cuzins
Christmas 2008
Greg, Kimberly and Devon
Moving Together
Together Time
Gail and Devon @ Gold Beach, Ore. 06'
Gail & Kimberly
Gail was my friend, mom, sister, counselor - I will miss her more than I could ever put into words. I love you always, Gail!!! Kimberly
Gail
We love Gail!!!
26 comments:
Devon,
You have every right to be mad as hell! This just is not fair. But please don't be mad at God, he loves you, your mom and whole family. We are all praying for you, your mom, dad and family to give you the strength through this. Don't forget, God never gives you more than you can handle, although you may question yourself if you are stong enough. I know you are. Hang in there my friend.
Love,
Terri
Devon --
You hang in there brother. It's alright to be mad, even at God. Love in Christ...
--JT
Hang in there Dev. We're right there with you...
Kazu
Hey Dev- I'm mad too, and I understand. Please remember that what happened to your Mom is no one's fault. It certainly is not your fault. She's probably had a weakness in that artery for years and years, maybe even since childhood.It's very hard to figure out how such a bad thing can happen to such a wonderful, loving Mom- and it isn't fair! Your job right now is to hang in there with your Dad and family- they all need you right now. I'll keep praying to the Cedar Tree! Love, Mary Lou
Devon,
I give you courage, strength, love and blessings... Please scream your anger at the top of your lungs... Be angry, be scared, be hurt, but most of all it's okay to be mad at God... he loves you more than you realize right now. You have no choice in how to handle what your being dealt and you are handling it the only way you know how and the way that is natural for you too. Believe me, I lost my mom... I am praying for you and giving you my strength and love and courage. I can tell you that your world will change and your beliefs will change but Dev, it will be okay... I can feel your pain and your guilt but please believe me that you can feel our prayers... I know this is tough for you and you feel like shit, and yes, this does suck, without question...but somehow your words bring peace and yes, I am rambling...
Dev, my hand is on your heart and my prayers are spewing out in the heavens...
All my love,
Stacy
Devon,
I know that it hurts more than anything else you have gone through. Just so you know, God is not mad at you; I know your mother has something else that she has been suffering from, and it's probably a contributing factor to what she is going through now. I'm not going to specifically mention what she has on this site for privacy reasons, but I know you know what I'm referring to. If you don't, you can ask your dad to see if he knows. I know the shock you are going through; I still remember the pain I went through when my mother suddenly died of asthma in 2003. Your mother is a good friend to me, and your dad too. I also know that she is putting up a good fight to survive, and only God knows what is next. When my mother died, God told me this: "I'll get you through this" and I believe He wants to let you know that He'll somehow get you through this too. If you would like to get a hold of me, I'll let Kristine Iwai at Anaheim Free Methodist Church give you my email address.
Ed Endo aka Mr. E
Devon,
Sometimes things happen that there is no explanation for. This is one of them. It's not fair and it does suck. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT SO DON'T EVEN THINK IT. You don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to be mad and you should be mad. She's your mom and you love her and you don't want to see her sick. Just know that everyone is praying and sending really good thoughts her way. You are a great son to your Mom.
Love,
Teri Chatfield
Devon,
We have peace in knowing that yur mom IS filled with the Holy Spirit and that she is in God's loving hands. I too, cannot make sense of all this. But we have to continue to trust in the Lord's almighty plan. I'd be mad as hell too. But I could see how the Lord is using you right now. You have and always will have a tremendous testimony. We have to continue to trust in the work God is doing. (((((HUGS)))))) You cannot blame yourself!
love jill
Devon, nothing else we can add except to remind you we're with your Mom, your Dad, and you 100%! Hang in there brother!
Donna, Peter, Drew, & Alan
Devon,
I met your parents in So. Cal the same year you all moved up north.
I want to share with you, that your mom made a tremendous difference in my life when I felt like crap after losing a loved one. Your mom was the only one I could talk to at that time. She never told me how I should feel, she just let me express my anger, sadness, fear and the list goes on. I cursed more during that season in my life more than I ever had before and I appreciated how amazing and supportive your mom was to me. She never freaked out. She could have cared less if I cursed 20 times while I was on the phone with her, she told me it was okay to be angry at God and that He can handle it, she just listened, prayed for me and gave me wise counsel. She truly showed me the love of Christ through her actions. Your mom understands all your emotions and you are allowed to express yourself freely. I appreciate your honesty and am praying for you and your dad.
Love,
Amy
dear Jon,Devon(&Gail),God's omnipresence loving kindness allows us to plea for God's healing power for Gail in unison, the Creator,Giver of life, the Healer and Lover of our soul, we are standing on the firmest foundation in the universe - Jesus Christ, a hymn captures us all "On Christ, the solid rock we stand, all other ground is sinking sand..." Dear Lord, Jesus, we gather Gail in your solid ground...moment by moment, open a new way for her, help us to look up to your marvelous deed as you have shown us in the past,you are the object of our faith.. who can be against us if Jesus is on your side? keep on praying...-eugenia
Oh Jon, Gail and Devon:
I mourne and empathize with you in a way that few other can, becauase you see...I have been hospitalized many, many times and have been in Intensive Care very sick. My story is remarkable and interesting, but the thing I want you to know is that I WAS HEALED in the 11th hour! Just days before another spinal surgery that would leave my mobility greatly compromised. God had another plan. My God, Our God, You God, Devin's Gail's God
This is what I did...I I OPENED MY HEART WIDE-OPEN TO HIS HEALING POTENTIAL, OPENED MY EYES TO SEE PEOPLE AT JESUS REALLY SEES THEM, I OPENED MY MOUTH TO ASK FOR THE GIFT OF HIS HEALING POWER, AND I BELIEVED WITH EVERYTHIHNG I HAD THAT HE WOULD HEAL ME . There was no question it would happen.
My faith is extraordinary high, as I know yours is, too. But I want to leave this message with you:
"Can we remember that God is so so big and the father we run to with our arms open?"
"Can we also lay Gail at the foot of the Christ so that he may reach her and heal her."
"And lastly, can we wholeheartedly believe it when Apostle Paul says that difficulties develop perserverence and character and hope. And then above all of those things love.
From a distance I will pray the healing pray that transformed my life---and can do so for Gail. He loves his little daughter so much.
Natalie
Hang in there Devon. It's too early to get mad. There is still hope. Gail is getting the finest medical care and attention in our country. Hopefully your mom will recover from all this.
Take deep breaths and think good thoughts. Come on back to Half Moon Bay and let's go for a walk on the beach. Rest a bit from all this. Oftentimes things work themselves out with time.
And as someone said, don't blame yourself, Devon.
Dear Devon, I have a son the same age as you and I know it must be really hard right now. You are so young to have to go through this. All I can do for you is pray! I know you have a wonderful family because I work with them. I know together you will all get through this terrible experience. I will continue to pray for you daily! You are just like my son! Love in Him! Kristine Iwai
hey Jon, Devon and Gail, me and the boys are praying for you - for healing of all kinds, strength, courage, and that you will be surrounded by God's Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Dev, it's ok to tell God you're mad at him - I do it all the time :) but whatever you do, don't turn away from Him. Turn towards Him and let Him hug you, even while you feel like kicking Him in the shins. He is a big God, He can take it....but let Him heal you too. love Petra, Musa, Adam, Ibrahim, Sorie and Coleman
D, dude. i know this is really hard for you. dude. i just want to know that whatever you're goin through, i'll be here to pray for you. your mom and your family has helped me out so much in my past, and has helped me avoid situations that almost caused me not to be here that it's hard for me too. its hard for all of us. just hang in there bro. and i'm here for you and prayin for you guys.
Hey there D,
Just want to say my heart goes out to you and your family. I am here for you if you need anything and your in my prayers buddy... hang in there.
Tiff
Devon,
Hey this is Cory Morinishi. Man, i'm sooooo sorry to hear what has happened to your mom. I wouldn't even be able to imagine what you're going through. I just wanted to give you some encouragement that even though times can hit rock bottom, you have to stay strong and just keep holding on. I just wanted to let you know not to be too hard on yourself and that you shouldn't feel responsible because things like this just aren't under our control. I'll pray for comfort for you and all of your family and that hopefully God will give you understanding and hopefully an answer to your questions. I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you and your mom and that you'll definately be in my prayers. Here are some lyrics that will hopefully give you some encouragement. It's keep holding on by avril lavigne...
Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Devon, i pray that you'll just keep holding on no matter how rough it may get, you'll make it through. One of my favorite bible verses is from matt. 28:20. I hope it will give you comfort because it's God's promise that "I am with you always, until the very end of the age." stay strong buddy.
Cory
Devon,
Paul once told me that he used to carry you on his back when you were little. He was so happy that you had so much fun. He enjoyed it so much that he wanted to do the same thing if one day God allowed him to have a son or a daughter. God gave him a daughter, Kristy. Unfortunately he wasn't able to carry her because of his physical condition. Within 3 years he went from using a cain to a wheel chair. He didn't have physical pain, but emotional pain by watching his own daughter being carried by uncle Mike, uncle Brice and uncle Kirk. He got mad, cursed using words that I didn't know what they meant. He felt guilt. But he was also thankful for God's love and provision through good friends and caring relatives. I just prayed for strength, wisdom and peace to keep the family together. Paul is in heaven now. I'm sure he is carrying you on his shoulder and saying: "Hold on tight, this is a very bumpy road. God knows it's scary and hurts, but He will give you His strength, comfort and peace." We as a family are with you, your mom and dad. Much love,
Regina, Kristy and Paul (in spirit)
Devon,
What can I say bro, it sure does feel like a time to shake our fists in the air, and flip off the cosmos and give it the bird. Yea, God is big enough to know that you are hurting and angry. He has certainly blessed you with many friends who support you and are offering encouraging comments here, even as you express your anger with colorful expletives. If I'm understanding Jordy's blog, your mother is no longer with us. If this is true, than maybe profanity is the most appropriate language to use at this time. Maybe there is passion loaded in the meaning of those words that simply aren't in the words considered to be more appropriate for one who follows Jesus, but we do want to be careful. We want to honor God and we want to honor the memory of your mother. Devon, be tranformed by the memory of her love for you, and the memory of her Savior. Emerge to become the man that she wants you to be, and I say this in the present tense. I believe that her prayers for you are very much alive. I've been giving this considerable thought for myself. I'm still not sure where this will lead me, but I'm convinced that the memory of your mother will be a guiding, shaping presence in my own emergence, and in the becoming of so many others. Blessings to you my broham. You know how much I love you. I hope to hang with you shortly. Maybe I'll let you punch me.
Kenji
Hey Devon (aka Dash). If you actually make it down through all these comments, you will see exactly what the Bible means when it says we have a "great cloud of witnesses" cheering us on. Listen and accept the encouragement others are giving you. They are all right in saying, God can handle your being mad at Him and looking for someone to blame in this very "unfair" situation. But really there is no one to blame. Sadly these things happen. Go ahead and express your hurt and anger, but also try your best to accept the comfort others will give. Turn your anger towards God into trust and fall in his arms. We love you! Pastor Len and Family
HelloNurse89 said...
Awww...man...please don't blame yourself...there is nothing you did/said that caused this...you have every right to feel the way you do, even towards the Lord, He understands...and hopefully, through time it will pass...I don't want to sound cliche...but God has a higher plan and He will reveal Himself when He is ready...my mom passed when I was 14 back in 1985 (yeah, do the math)...and it's only been in the past 6 years, that I have completely understood why it happened...trust that things are going according to His plan...and let this go in His flow...confide in your dad, he sounds like a really awesome guy...if, not, confide in someone, don't hold it in...and don't forget that you're awesome!
Prayers to you and your family...I met your mom a few years ago in Fullerton, CA...she was the pastor that married my bro and sis-in-law - Kawahara/Balisalisa...your mom is funny and just vibrant...I suppose the Lord just needed more angels...
If you or your dad need anything...give us a buzz...
Be safe...
Devon - I am so sorry that your mom had to go. Alot of us are mad too. It feels wrong and all the people who love your mom feel ripped off too. It seems way too soon. Your mom rocked - she knew how to make things happen and she welcomed everyone, no matter what. She was kind. You also are kind and you have that same welcoming spirit that your mom had. I know she was so proud of you, proud and happy to be your mom - always, no matter what.
Mark and Jamie and I love you guys. I think your mom is probably looking very beautiful in heaven right now.
Laurie (Jamie Nielsen's mom)
I wish I could be this transparent at times.
Devon,
It's okay to be angry, to feel things so intense that you don't know where it came from. Grief is something that all of us go through at least once in our lives. Loss, is related. So is disappointment, and injustice. It's normal to feel different feelings and have a day where you're all over the place. Like my brother Edward said, he knows what it's like to lose a mother, and my father knows what it's like to lose a wife. Even after a few years there are still a few days where I would still feel more "off" than I've ever been with my mom alive. It's entirely normal to go through this.
One more thing... stand firm in the Lord, because you're coming into your own. He always meets you right at the lowest place as well as the highest moments in your life. Know that you're not alone, because He walks with you.
In Him,
Tom Endo
tendo at eskimo dot com
Hi Devon, Kjirsten here (John Tuohy's wife) and I just wanted to tell you I love your honesty and am praying for you. You are an awesome guy and I am glad to know you and we all want to get together with you soon. I am soo soo soo sad and sorry for the loss of your Mom, Devon. Love, Kjirsten
Devon,
I am so sorry that your Mom had to leave so early in your life. I can't imagine how it feels.
Your mother, Gail, and I are both the same age, grew up during the same times, (like the "hippie" movement, and other things, I bet you'd like to know...)
But, here's the thing, sweetheart, one Sunday at Anaheim Church, your Mom read a letter to us, in service, that she had written to you. You were all of about two years old. I was so impressed with her forsight, her intelligence, and her desire to make sure you would grow up knowing the true Lord, Jesus Christ. She inspired me to really take another good look at myself as a mother, and just as one of God's children.
You, Devon, are one of His most precious children, and your mother, one of his most precious angels.
I loved her as a sister, and was shocked and saddend to hear about her sudden collapse and the trouble she experienced. I prayed that she would receive complete healing, even from her other illness of approx. 15 years. (One day at Anaheim, Gail and I were talking about this illness, and she told me that people usually have about 15 years from the time they find out about it. Back then, that seemed like a long time. Now, it seems like just a few months since we had that conversation.) I felt confident that God would heal her completely. When I heard she had gone home to be with Him, I could only conclude that this was His answer: that He had healed her completely. Even though she's not here anymore with us, she is healed, completely.
It's a hard, mixed blessing that I know will take a while for you to understand.
I remember your mom as a peaceful, loving, patient, joyful, self-controlled, gracious, intelligent, humble, thoughtful sister, whose very prescence made a huge impression on my life, and, as I said, gave me inspiration to get closer to God. She was a GREAT Mom!
God knows you are suffering. He will carry you through this very sad time. Do you know the poem, "Footprints"? In short,(& paraphrased) a person is talking to God, saying, "Lord, you said you'd always be with me, but I've had some real tough times when I couldn't know for sure you were there, because, looking back, I see only one set of footprints during those hard times." The Lord, looking at the footprints with His child replied, "Those times, when you see only one set of footprints, were the times that I was carrying you." Devon, let the Lord carry you through all of this. Please don't be mad at Him. He loves you, and has given you to your Dad, your Dad to you, along with your Grandmothers, Grandfather, and all of your cousins, Aunts and Uncles so you will be able to be comforted by them and feel His presence during this very hard time.
Being sad is expected. God is the only one who knows the plans he has for you, and your Mother. She is with him now, fulfilling the other part of His plan. Be strong, knowing that she is with Him. One day, you, too will see her again in heaven, too. I'm sure she's there, looking down lovingly at you, watching over you, and wanting you to Trust in The Lord, especially now, no matter how hard it is. And we all know it IS hard. That's why I've been praying for you, your Dad, Grandparents and the whole family. By now, you probably wonder who I am. I am Barbara Hatherley, Amber's mom. I love you, Devon, and have prayed for you every day for a week now, and will continue to pray for God's comfort for you and your Dad & family. He is a great God...who will carry you and comfort you. Just ask Him. You'll see. I'll check in with you later. Please give my love to your Dad, and your family. Love in Him, Barbara Hatherley
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